


Sugarcoated

by killugonwriter



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gon POV, Gonkillu - Freeform, Killua's REALLY pretty, Killugon - Freeform, M/M, it's cold, killua's acting weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 22:44:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14412099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killugonwriter/pseuds/killugonwriter
Summary: "A particularly bitter breeze blasts my back. The shivers that wrack my joints stop my mind from flying beyond the sky. But as Killua turns to me and looks at me with those eyes, I don't know if I'm still on this Earth." Killugon. Oneshot.





	Sugarcoated

I never knew that something cold could burn like this. I breathe in, and the snow sticks to the walls of my lungs, setting them aflame. Am I burning, is the breath I see escaping in my exhalation actually smoke? No, it can't be, if I was burning I wouldn't feel this numb. I wouldn't feel my skin lie like frost on my bones. My eyelids are frozen open, and all I see is black and white, midnight and snow. I wrestle with myself over the thought that I might never see the light of day again...

The moon has been blown out by the storm, and I don't remember ever being in a night this dark. I wonder for a moment if this obscurity will forever hide the sun of dusk. But when I focus my eyes on the halo of light surrounding Killua's tufts of white hair, I feel as if he is the moon to guide me. Like the tides he pulls me closer to him, as the lantern he holds flickers under his pale hand.

The idea of a hike a few hours ago seemed innocent enough. Recently I questioned if we were wandering aimlessly, lost, practically begging to be swallowed by the snowstorm. Never had I thought we would end up prey to this monster of a blizzard, wallowing in the middle of nowhere. But, I begin to reconsider. Are we just somewhere that I am unfamiliar with, and not lost at all?

Killua must know where we are. When I'm around Killua, I can never imagine being lost. He's too calculating, too smart. He never loses his bearings. And I know that whenever I doubt him he always proves me wrong... Sometimes it's for the better. I feel a tinge of something weird in my stomach, it's a pressure that feels good and bad at the same time. After a moment it fizzles out with the storm.

I stare as he trudges through the snowdrifts, his footfalls still elegant and precise despite the snow that skims his knees. Somehow he makes every little thing he does so damn beautiful. Like a toddler just learning how to walk, I stumble behind him. My foot slips on a rock hidden under the snow and I curse. I feel like I've barely graduated my diapers.

Mind wandering amongst the skittering snow, I allow my eyes to go out of focus. I wonder why things have been strange between Killua and I as I watch the snowflakes rain down and nestle into his hair. Killua has barely said a word to me since we left, and he hasn't been talkative for a month or so. I draw my jacket higher over my collarbones, trying to shake this suddenly dreadful feeling. He barely even looks me in the face anymore. Have I done anything wrong..?

I frown and the cold stings my upper lip. There was that one time I ate half of the chocolate bar Killua saved for later. But that can't be it. That was at most two months ago. I chuckle softly as I remember how he had got this scary look on his face. I'm glad that I can look back and laugh now as at the time it was not amusing. I thought I was going to lose at least an arm.

A particularly bitter breeze blasts my back. The shivers that wrack my joints stop my mind from flying beyond the sky. But as Killua turns to me and looks at me with those eyes, I don't know if I'm still on this Earth.

"Gon." His voice deep and dulcet makes my mouth go dry. Suddenly I'm reminded of Killua's chocolate that I had nibbled on two months ago. So sweet... My mouth waters. I return his gaze- but his eyes suddenly look too endless and I look away. Something between us is definitely different, and I want to know what is causing it.

I daringly look back at him again, and my persistence melts instantly as I notice the healthy flush to his pale skin from the cold. A twill flutters in my ribs, making me warm for the first time in hours. My response to him calling my name has long since died on my lips. Killua peers at me strangely, as if I am deaf of hearing.

Why can't I speak? My throat is closed and locked up tight. Have Killua's eyes always been that blue? Or is it just striking against the white of the snow? I notice the ends of his hair skimming his eyelids, the color of an angel's feathery wings. The heat I had felt earlier moves up from my chest cavity to my face. And it burns.

One thought inscribes itself into my conscious.

You're beautiful, Killua.

The heat branches out to my nerves like a mighty oak. I am the flame flickering in his lantern. I feel like Killua's face could melt snow, the same way he has melted me. Once a candle, I am now merely dripping wax. He's stopped me in my tracks. There's nothing I can do but watch Killua outstretch his deft index finger. Robotically following his gesture, my eyes fall onto a wide gap between two boulders, where the mountain had seemingly split. Had God chiseled this cavern in the rock face for mere mortals like us? But God, Killua...he seems like an ethereal being. Am I simply overlooked print in this contract of safety?

"Ey, Gon. I think it's a cave. Let's check it out." Killua says, blinking the snow out of his long eyelashes. My eyes flutter half-closed, and I instinctively bite my lip. My knees feel weak at the sight of him, like my legs must actually be cooked pasta. It takes a lot of strength to even move myself, my head swimming in nothing but thoughts of Killua...

As we head for the cave, I step in the path of footprints Killua left, noticing our footprints are around the same size. Approaching the cave, I watch as Killua's lantern illuminates the entrance. At a quick glance we can tell it's well hallowed, and we both turn and smile at each other for a moment. I bite the inside of my cheek at the sight of Killua's lips pulling apart tightly.

"Ne, it's perfect." I beam glad to have found somewhere to stop for the night. But it's more than that. I'm with him. For some reason I feel more excited than usual. Why? I don't know the answer. Killua and I have been together for several years. Everywhere I went, Killua flanked my side, and our friendship has been unbreakable. So why was the idea of being with him-alone, suddenly utterly tantalizing?

"I know...Thank God we can get out of this snow." Killua groans, snapping me out of my stupor. As we step into the cave he takes off his pack, routinely unpacking the necessities we would need for the night. I, reluctantly, turn my back to Killua and begin to clear away some leaves strewn randomly around the cave and harvest some miscellaneous branches. My skin itches for the warmth of a fire. Is that the only thing I want? I feel confused as I try to organize my thoughts.

Once I have found enough firewood, Killua crouches and pulls some matches from his pack as I carefully arrange the sticks into a neat pile. His blue eyes narrow in silent concentration, his tongue pushing past his upper lip.  He strikes a match and it flickers to life. The flame reflects in his pupils and all the air is knocked out of my chest. I suddenly feel shy and look away.

I hear a small cracking and smile as the tiny flame begins to eat the wood. It grows and grows and Killua sits down and pulls out two cans of soup, cutting open the lids. He places them next to the budding embers. I can't wait to eat, I feel my stomach stir beneath my jacket. I eagerly sit as close to the fire as possible, shivering as the cold bottom of the cave floor freezes my legs through my pants.

"Tch, it's still freezing!" Killua exclaims, wrapping his arms around himself. I feel heat rise to my face as the word 'cute' pops into my head. The small pout to his lips makes me feel a bit flustered.

What is wrong with me? Am I sick?

Panic rises in my chest as I blankly watch Killua warm his hands over the steadily growing fire. Being in this cold while ill is not good! My eyebrows knit together. Maybe I should ask Killua about this sickness...

I glance up to see Killua poking the fire with a stick to get extra warmth. No, now isn't a good time. Maybe once we're warmer. To avoid looking at Killua, I stare outside the cave at the storm. I don't want to feel any more sick than I obviously am.

The wind suddenly howls like a lone wolf through the gaps in the rocks and I shiver. The snow isn't coming down like the way Aunt Mito would sprinkle sugar onto cookies. It's not delicate and placed with a careful eye. The blizzard, with both hands, scatters the snowflakes blindly, and I realize the storm is only getting worse.

I bite my lip and turn my attention back to the growing fire. Over the sunlike flames a blue the color of a bottomless ocean crashes over me. Killua's stare rattles me, sending me into an euphoric bliss. I don't know if the dusting of pink over his cheeks is merely a figment of my imagination, but my nerves swell until I almost can't bear it. His eyes flicker away and I instantly miss that deep blue, the color of lakeside waves under moonlight.

So much for trying not to feel sick.

"I'm feeling a bit chilly, too.." The words roll off my tongue before I even know what I'm saying. The muscles around Killua's neck contract as he swallows, his face a deep red.

"Y-yeah.."

His shy voice startles me. He's never at a loss for words. I shift awkwardly, listening to the fire crackle. Feeling the air heavily weigh upon us makes my stomach clench. What is it that is putting a rift in our relationship? I have no answers.

I relive the past months over and over, tumbling possibilities around in my head. All of it just gives gasoline to my anxiety, and it's burning me up. I don't know how much time has passed when Killua speaks again.

"...I think the soup is ready." Killua's voice has a strain and I lock my jaw, my temples aching. No, Killua. We can't keep this up. I open my mouth to say something, but my nervousness closes it, making me look like a fish coming up for air.

"Mm," the small agreement is all I can muster from my concave throat. I watch the now lightly bubbling soup, my hunger suddenly screaming. Killua wraps one can in a towel to avoid burning his hands. He pulls out a spoon and hands one to me. I grasp it and shiver at how cold it is. It's like grabbing an icicle.

Using a towel just like Killua, I take the remaining can of soup, the heat already seeping through the fabric, warming my numb palms. I scoop out a little bit of broth, and blow carefully, before sipping it delicately from the utensil.

It's just canned chicken noodle soup, but it's so delicious because of my gnawing hunger. The heat pleasantly warms my insides. I hum at the taste, and I see Killua's baby blue's flick to me quickly before he looks away and scrapes at his own can.

"It's good." Killua murmurs, his eyebrow furrowing like it always does when something is bothering him. I choose to ignore it for now, but it is eroding me away inside.

We sit in silence again, and it's so agonizing I want to scream, but somehow the shrill sound doesn't escape my throat. I chew angrily, my spoon aggressively hitting the metal of the can. Hands balling into fists, I try to fight the bad feeling I have in my gut. I just want this to stop.

Killua chews softly, his eyes hazed over in thought. It looks like he's dreaming. I wish I could hear what he is thinking, I'm positive I am not the only one feeling this tense air. I just want to reach over and feel him, just to confirm that this is actually happening.

"I think I'm gonna go to sleep, Gon," Killua says, his eyes falling downwards. He sets his empty can on the ground, his lips pressed in a firm line. If I shook you, really hard  Killua, would you start acting like yourself again? My knuckles turn white as I watch Killua unroll his sleeping bag next to the fire.

I squeeze my eyes shut to kill the shout building in my vocal cords. The breath I see under my nose suddenly becomes infuriating. Why is he acting this way? Why do you feel you have to hide something from me...? I feel tears push harshly at the backs of my eyes. So, I build a dam.

Killua snuggles so deep into his sleeping bag all I see is the top of his ivory hair.

"I guess I'll go to sleep too." I say, biting my tongue harshly. I hear a hum tumble from Killua's direction. An unpleasant shiver wracks my spine. The frigid air from the blizzard sees its chance and chills me, finding its cold partner in my heart.

It feels like the world is crumbling into piles of dirt and debris as I stuff myself into my own sleeping bag. The cold, Killua's breathing, and my thoughts keep me awake, my heart making my head pound in restlessness. I'm going crazy, I'm going crazy... Make it stop...

It feels like about an hour has passed. It's been an hour of fighting my cracking sanity. When I think of Killua's blank face, void of all emotion, my heart breaks in two. At this point I have forced my mind to go blank. With nothing to occupy me now, the cold seeps under my skin, chilling me to the core. Then that's when the shivering truly starts. The goosebumps stab into the lining of my sleeping bag.

I need you Killua- I need your warmth.

I can't help but blush furiously at the random thought, and I bite my tongue, almost drawing blood.

But I can't... I can't seek you out now.

Something in the back of my mind obliterates everything else, a small, shy voice. It's so pathetically weak, smothered by all my stubbornness and doubts, but I find it is true to me.

You should go to him.

Solve two problems at once.

A shudder runs through me. Somehow this voice is enough to drive me to the edge. My shivers jolt me into movement.

I crawl out of my sleeping bag, ignoring the ache of the cold. I'm solving it. I'm solving it. I can't take it anymore. I see the small lump that is Killua, his breath steady, and I know he's asleep. It doesn't matter. Vision tunneling as if drunk, I stumble over to him.

And before I know it, I'm in Killua's sleeping bag.

Breath hitching, palms shaking. I keep my distance, scooted as far away from Killua as the sleeping bag will allow me. What am I doing? Why did I think this was a good idea?

My heart swells when I see he has curled into a ball to stay warm. He must be cold, just like I am. He looks a lot younger when he sleeps, his face holds a sweetness that doesn't show while he's awake. His hands are balled into little fists, his eyebrow twitching as if he is dreaming.

It can't hurt to move closer.

I blush deeply at the voice, but I realize that this is me talking, a part of me that is willing to take a leap of faith. Waiting a moment for my courage to pool, I suck in a shaky breath. I'm not backing down. Wriggling my small frame, I press my body to his. We fit together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, we almost become one flesh.

He feels hard-muscled yet supple. My blush becomes beet-red as he mumbles something incoherent into my chest, nuzzling his face against my shirt. A fuzzy feeling envelopes me. It feels like I'm an ember amongst hot coals.

My hands unconsciously wander to his hair that is already showing slight signs of bed head. But I'm enthralled instantly, and rake my hands through his stunning white locks, addicted to the softness. It's almost as soft as a baby bird's down-

"Mmm..." Killua's sleep induced voice rings softly. "Gon..."

Heart leaping ten stories, my eyes widen, feeling embarrassed. Is he dreaming of me? I bite my lip, cheeks burning. What kind of dream could it be?

My thoughts are interrupted by Killua lazily wrapping his arms around me, like I am a giant pillow. Hopefully hearts are physically unable to explode. Breath hot and sweet like a baby's, Killua stays sound asleep.

"Killua," I say softly. He doesn't stir. "Stop making me feel like this."

I bury my nose into the crook in his neck, his warmth spilling over me to the point where I'm boiling. He smells of pine and freshly cut wood. I begin to ache as I realize this may be my only chance to be this close to him. I just don't want this to ever end.

"Gon?" His voice wavers, still only slightly awake, and my heart stops. Our legs are entangled together. Blood freezing in my veins, my nervousness increases as I see those captivating eyes peering up at me in the dark. They remind me of puddles of rainwater in the night.

"K-Killua..." My eyes are half lidded, my face burns. I'm in the reticle of his judgement, I wait for him to push me away, disgusted.

"I was cold."

I wet my lips nervously, every nerve ending bursting. He blinks once, twice, looking more awake each time. Realization dawns on him.

"Huh?! G-Gon!" He turns a deep pink color, one that makes me feel even more flustered. "What are you doing, s-stupid!"

He turns away from me, cradling his head in his hands. The blush has reached his ears.

"Ne, Killua, I'm sorry..." The pit of my stomach feels like a black hole, so endless it hurts. I flinch away from him, immediately missing the feeling of his lithe form pressed to mine. It's silent for a moment.

"Whatever...D-do whatever you want, dummy." He huffs and nestles back into his fetal position. The weight lifts in my heart as I gaze at the back of his head. He doesn't hate me!

A glowing smile breaks across my face, as I press our bodies together once again. I hear a small sound come from him, like a kitten after you startle it. Nuzzling my nose back to his neck, I stare at the blush engulfing his entire face. The sight sends a cage of butterflies free in my stomach, and I relish the feeling of his rapidly heating skin.

Even though he's obviously embarrassed, he doesn't move away from me, and my heart hammers uncontrollably. I tilt my head to whisper into his ear.

"This feels nice, Killua."

His breath comes out ragged. Something in him has changed, I feel it reverberate in the marrow of my bones. I don't know why I feel it, I don't know what caused it. My eyes snap open like window shades when Killua turns in my grasp so we are face to face. All the air in my body is sucked out when those crystal-like eyes shimmer with a hue I have never seen before. Like opaque stained glass made from a master hand.

He presses our bodies together and I hiss at the intense pleasure the simple movement brings. I feel something prodding my stomach and I blush harder than ever before as I realize what it is. Oh Killua... His mouth teasingly nibbles at my earlobe, his breath hot as he licks the shell of my ear- I moan- and he whispers:

"I can make you feel even better."

His sultry, husky voice makes my vision blur with want. I've never seen Killua act this way, but it's making me feel a bit too hot. My breathing becomes erratic. Another restraint breaks in Killua as his eyes take in a dark, intoxicated look.

Arms snaking around my waist, he holds me firmly in place. I feel like his prey, I feel his dominance overtake me. Everything becomes fuzzy when Killua presses his soft lips to my jaw, leaving a hot trail of butterfly kisses that stops just at the corner of my mouth. A whine escapes me, laden with an emotion I have never experienced before. All I know is that I don't want it to end.

And that I want more.

"Mmm..." He hums, sending the vibration all throughout my nerves as he pulls away for a moment, licking his lips. Moving on top of me, his muscles ripple as he leaves me no means of escape, his hair falling over his eyes. A heat pools lower in my stomach as I take him in. His face is a delicious shade of red. Licking his lips, he pants heavily, and I realize I'm doing the same. He looks stunning in his arousal, a light sheen of sweat covers his forehead. But then my eyes focus on his lips, swollen from kissing my jaw so harshly.

I blush as I realize I want to taste him.

His eyes, like an open book, reads a phrase that flips my insides upside-down, one that I too agree with.

'I want you...'

The last restraint snaps in us both. I can't control myself as my hands reach up, and thread in the snowy white hair at the nape of his neck.

And the next thing I know, his lips are on mine.

A heat like no other engulfs us both, electricity shooting through every cell in our bodies. It starts off innocent, just our lips pressed together, but soon a frenzy ensues.

I want to devour you.

Our lips hungrily move together. I feel nothing but him and intense pleasure. He tastes sweet, like his lips are sugarcoated. I lick at his bottom lip, and his groan sends a blast of heat to my groin.

I daringly lick at the corner of his mouth, and he gives off a noise of surprise, but his mouth opens and he allows me entrance. Our tongues dance together, wet and hot. I can't think, it feels too damn good. It's too hot now, it's too much. We break for air, a trail of saliva connecting us before breaking and falling down my chin.

"Don't stop.." I say, a pleasured wail ripping from my throat when he suddenly presses closer to me and begins to lick and suck at my collarbone. My blush deepens.

His mouth sets my whole body on fire. He definitely knows what he's doing. His tongue expertly slides across my skin in all the right spots. Killua...Killua... I moan loudly, a growl escapes his throat.

He bites down on my skin and it hurts but it just withers away at my sanity even more. My hands slip underneath the back of his shirt, and I trace the hard muscles of his back. He shivers under my touch.

He pulls away, his breathing heavy for a moment.

Our lips smash together again, and I wrap my arms around Killua, as I sit up and lift him onto my lap. I sigh into the kiss, Killua's flittering breaths sending me over the edge. Our hands explore each other, feverishly feeling what we were never able to feel before. My hands return to his hair, raking through the soft locks. Killua hums as our lips move together before we break for air.

I'm breathless.

All we do is stare at one another, in all of our flustered glory. I've always known Killua is beautiful, but he has never looked more stunning than this moment.

Killua's words tumble from him like a waterfall. They are three words that make my head spin.

"I love you."

I freeze. The three words rattle in my brain like prisoners are banging against the bars of their prison cell. My mouth dries up. Killua's eyes are big and trembling, almost like he thinks that I'm going to reject his confession. His baby blues begin to water.

Never.

"I love you, too." The words roll off my tongue so easily. How could I ever not love something so beautiful?

A sob chortles him, as he throws his arms around me. I don't understand why he's doing this. Rubbing calming circles on his back, I wait for him to speak.

"I'm so stupid," he says. Tears form at the corners of his eyes. "All I've been doing is ignoring you because I thought you'd hate me. You'd hate the feelings I have for you, I mean." His lip quivers. I stare at him and my heart sinks into my chest as the flames from the campfire, long forgotten, illuminate the undertones in his teary eyes.

I got my answer. I had done nothing wrong after all. Killua, all this time, had been silent as an attempt to hide his feelings from me. A butterfly awakens in my heart. Killua, my best friend, my number one fan, is in love with me. I wasn't sick at all- I just didn't realize my feelings for him at the time.

Everything releases as I admit this to myself:

I'm in love with him.

We don't speak for awhile. Because we both know. We both know that that moment in time is over now. Our division has been crossed, our bridge now sturdy and repaired. As we lie there holding each other, I watch the snowstorm slowly die, to reveal a clear, moonless night.

Killua, I know now and forever that you will always be the moon to guide me.


End file.
